Episode 16 - “They Shoot Single People, Don’t They?”
Carrie wonders if women are faking more than just orgasms to be in a relationship. Do women settle just to get married? I look at my wife. She’s a smart, beautiful, successful lawyer and I’m an unemployed, wannabe comedian with all my facial features in the right places. That last sentence would lead you to believe that she settled but what if I told you that my mom up until the day I got married said I was a catch? People don’t settle for catches. They go all out to get them.
Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that my wife did settle. Would that be so bad? She’s making me very happy. It’s selfless. She’s going the right way for sainthood. I think somewhere in the Bible it says something about taking in a funny man and treating him well.
What’s wrong with settling? I love Yodels and sometimes the local convenience store doesn’t have them in stock. When that happens, I get Ring Dings and they are still really good. I’m my wife’s Ring Dings. Sure, one day I may get a job writing comedy and move my way up to being Yodels in her eyes but until then I remain delicious. It’s not like I’m Shortcakes or Zoinks.*
This entry was brought to you by Drake’s. Drake’s. You’ll love all of our products except Shortcakes and Zoinks. That’s why we never made them again. We, at Drake’s, are so sorry about Shortcakes and Zoinks.
This episode, I’m a Charlotte because I’m a sucker for someone that can fix things around the house, too.
* Shortcakes and Zoinks were imitation Twinkies made by Drake’s in the early 80s that were filled with strawberry, banana, chocolate, or vanilla creme. Ewwww.
