Episode 6 - “Secret Sex”
In this episode, Carrie learns about the secret sex partner. This is someone that you are embarrassed to show your friends so you privately date them, even going so far as to take them to secluded restaurants.
I take it one step further. It goes beyond dating. As many of you know, I am married to a lovely woman. What many of you don’t know is that the woman I go around town with is not my wife. That’s my public wife, a facade. My real wife is practically a troll. I say practically because she’s still waiting on the bank for her toll bridge loan. After that, her predilection for eating children will not look so bad. Townsfolk turn a blind eye to that nonsense when you are a certified troll. So, what are you waiting for Commerce Bank? We’ve already lost three homes to torching.
Why did I marry this almost troll woman? Why didn’t I just marry my beautiful, public wife? Well, I like a strong woman and troll wife is like an ant. She can lift me clear over her head while I’m in the car. Also, I’m not a fan of smooth, supple skin and clean, flowing hair. I like my women clammy with locks reminiscent of pipe cleaners almost like she was created by a 2nd grader in art class only with less macaroni. Is it hot in this blog or is it just me?
You’re probably wondering how troll wife feels about this. She’s fine with it. She knows I need someone to go to the beach with or to play golf with. She can’t do it because she turns to stone in the sun. That and she’s very busy collecting princesses. She just piles them up in the attic. The screaming bothers me when I’m trying to sleep but I’m not going to complain to troll wife. I’m sure my snoring bothers her. Even private marriage is about compromise.
Finally, Miranda (still looking like Dave Foley) is on the board. I, too, kicked a guy in the face in gym class.
